I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
