Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
