Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
