Sry I called you an 8
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
