PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
