theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
