I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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