dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
