I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
