youre lurking in front of me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
