I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
