I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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