I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
