3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
