"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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