Screwed.edu
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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