Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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