Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize