I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
