she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
