If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
