So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
