did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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