I'm gonna have a badass scar
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
