morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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