There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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