Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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