last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
