Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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