Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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