I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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