The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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