remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
