Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
