Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
