Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
