well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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