I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
