guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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