I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
