Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
