I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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