If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
