We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
