He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
