Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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