Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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