Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
there is glitter all over my balls
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize