my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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