I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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