So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
