so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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