my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
