u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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