I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
