please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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