During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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