i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
