I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
