She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
