I'm so fucking centered right now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
