Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
