the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
