I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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