'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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