just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize