I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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