You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
