Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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