They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
