I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Come on in and take your pants off
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